I love Friends, the show. Not that I love everybody in it. A few characteristics are extremely annoying(which is good, and deliberate, that’s why they are there), like Rachel’s popular-schoolgirl-snobbish mentality, and Monica’s obsession with controlling her life.
Ironically, as it has dawned on me in recent past, I’m a control freak too(not a popular-schoolgirl-snob, could not be even if I wanted to). And, there are many frightening similarities with Monica. Not-so-successful handling of the career, lopsided handling of separate aspects of life, some sensibly, others emotionally, and ordering close people what to do, what to think and how to behave when around.
For a long time since it started, I was under the illusion that I’m the right one(the self-righteous disease of pseudo-intellectuals) and I am getting other people’s perspective but they can’t seem to get mine, and it’s their problem and not mine and so I need to call them on their faults. This self-righteousness, coupled with a need for approval and low self-esteem, slid imperceptibly into a need for control, a need to control the surroundings, people’s behavior around me, and their thoughts and opinions about my life and actions. This led to touchiness, distorted social perspective and behavior, furthermore aggravated controlling behavior and a perpetual state of sulkiness.
It was only recently, that I was called on this behavior of mine. Initially I was stumped. How could I, such a sensitive, righteous, moral and inherently right person, be a control freak? I, who is all for individualism and personal freedom, can’t be like this. But I am. And the argument, that I know what they should do and how they should behave because i am more intelligent, holds no weight in an individualistic and free environment. Even if you’re right, which you have no way of knowing absolutely, it won’t make any difference to the fact they are and will act and think the way they want to, either stupidly or intelligently, whether you like or not. You just have to deal with this fact, gulp down the discomfort, and move on.
The last line is what I’m trying to do nowadays. It is very hard to remove the pseudo-intellectual bug within oneself, it takes hell lot of self-mastery and detachment.
Just let go. The more you try to control, the more you are controlled.
Let go, and be free.