Waiting and Irreversibility

What do you do when you have nothing to write about?

What do you do when you have one thing to think about, very important, but you can’t, because you’ve shut your mind off from it because of some other important stuff, and you know that until you haven’t sorted out that one important thing in your mind, you won’t be able to think clearly and move ahead with your life. That thing is a bottleneck, restricting the flow of your life because there is something, something unresolved, something yet to be decided, for better or for worse, some bridges that are waiting to be burned, and till then, any step that are taken on them are filled with dread, with horrors of abyss beneath and faded visions of the path ahead.

It’s as if you’ve shut everything else off with it too. You pick up your pen, but you know you can’t write anything else, unless you muster up enough courage to write about that thing. Things keep increasing, you keep pushing against the door higher and higher, wanting and dreading at the same time, thinking and writing about the thing which needs to be done. Only one thought, at the barrier you’ve sealed that thought in. But it is leaking out, more and more. But you’ve got to ignore it, because you can’t afford to put out all the stops right now. So you keep ignoring the wet floor, ignoring stubbornly, and just getting on with it.

You’re waiting, waiting to think, waiting to decide, waiting to write, waiting to burn the bridges, waiting to set fire to everything behind. But also, you’re secretly hoping something to happen which will neutralize everything. But you know this is not going to happen. It’s a mirage something you see at the corner of your eye, but can never focus on. It keeps hanging in mid-air, irritating you with it’s occasional visions, weakening you, without ever landing on the plane of reality.

And you wait…

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Nightmares of Narutoverse-III

Looks like my harsh criticism opened up Kishi’s eyes to the disaster he was turning the series into :D.

The last time I wrote was pretty boring and we still were supposed to be having the 4th Shinobi World War which was just a big farce. Since then Kishi has at least managed to turn our attention to the less boring, more logical aspects of the War rather than the simply ridiculous ones, like Madara kicking the shit out of the five Kages (I frankly believe that Oonoki and Tsunade should ideally die in such a battle, with the other three barely surviving, if at all). Main playerss like Kabuto, Sasuke, and Itachi finally came into play. Watching Kabuto’s strength increasing even further was a fresh and interesting turn of events, even though that Dragon Sage form was looking pretty much ludicrous and not threatening at all in the same terms as Orochimaru. Most importantly I didn’t have to bear with that bastard Naruto‘s mug for quite a long time.

This is not to say that we should all start gloating over how cool the series is. It’s just saved itself from a disastrous ending, but yet it’s more or less going in the same direction. I don’t see much use of Itachi even now (aahh…the glory days of Akastuki are over…), Sasuke’s clueless as hell, and Tobi’s and Naruto’s fight is beyond all realms of reality and logic now(thankfully I don’t have to bear it since few episodes).

As I said the last time, the open threads are swarming like honey-bees and Kishi’s doing nothing to end them. Unless some of them have been resolved, the series will retain this air of intense and wasteful confusion.

And what’s more, he’s introducing more and more nonsense into it. Now what the hell is Izanami? The last time he appeared, he chanted “Komo-Amatsukami” as if this is the last word in Sharingan technique. This is what I hate most about Sharingan users (or their creator, whose name is taken in every second line). Make a set, and STICK to it. Instead you make a new one for every situation. This is just like we’d keep seeing a new power of Superman every two-three episodes or so, until 500 episodes! After a point it’ll become pointless, fatiguing, and irritating. This is what it has become. I don’t wanna see any new eye jutsus, I just wanna see these Sharingan users doing, what they do best, being cool and awesome and kicking some ass. Instead they are all dead, consumed and rendered powerless by hatred, or if by any chance back from dead, then in a saintly, preaching mode. Fuck Off!

It’s high time, and probably the last time, Kishi restore the dignity of Uchiha clan. There are not much likeable characters left in the series.

Writer’s Block: Version 2.0

Writer’s Block. Wikipedia says Writer’s block is a condition, primarily associated with writing as a profession, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task at hand.

For me, it’s often not a period, but a blockage that keeps shifting bases in my brain. Only instead of hemorrhage, it causes inability to write, or more correctly, inability to think anything worthwhile to write. But this time, it’s not a hemorrhage. This time it’s a block. The solid, old, writer’s block. And of a different kind. The writer’s block that I’m experiencing doesn’t allow me to write, or even think at length, about things which are personal, abstract, or opinions which are personal to some extent. And I know why this all is happening.

I’m trying to numb the turbulence created in my brain due to some incidents. Now, to stop that wild turbulence from affecting any of my life’s areas and destroy it, I have to try my best to anesthetize it, to numb it down to a state of suspended shock. Even in this endeavor I’m not entirely successful because it is there, always, at all times. I’m ignoring it persistently, focusing on other things in the hope it will go. In my efforts to ignore it persistently, in my efforts to anesthetize the turbulence, the other type of turbulence, the creative turbulence invariably ends up getting anesthetized too. I can’t help it. If I’ve to escape from some personal corrosive incident, I’ve to shut out the whole personal stuff altogether. And this segregation, creates this writer’s block.

It’s okay, completely cool for me to write about books, or music, or mangas if I like. But here, on Prairie Wind, I am at a loss what to write. When I search my mind for already stored topics to be written in future, I find nothing. My brain has quarantined everything away from the conscious. And I don’t know what would have happened if it all had been there. Thankfully it’s not. So basically it’s just emptiness. Words, but no framework to embed them into.

Anyways it looks like I managed to squeeze few words at least through the personal mental block, hehe. I see a fallow period in the coming days. End-semester examinations are coming on swiftly, just 10 days away. They’re much better alternative to occupy my mind with, with all the anxiety, tension and hectic activity.

Blood on the Tracks: Review

This year I have been hearing a lot of music. I mean, literally, a hell lot of music. A lot of albums, many of them hazily in one go, some of them two-three a times, some of them are favorites, and one of them is printed perfectly in my memory. The last one is Blood on the Tracks, the third album of Bob Dylan I have heard. It is the only material of Bob Dylan I’ve been hearing since the start of the year, yet Bob Dylan tops my last.fm list of top artists.

I discovered Bob Dylan with Blonde on Blonde, in May, last year. It was my misfortune, in starting with a double-album, as I could not digest all the songs. But the first half, that I grabbed, enraptured, as I said to myself- this is the best damn songs Bob Dylan could have written. A presumptuous comment, and its fallacy was proved a few months later when I heard Highway 61 Revisited(excluding Like a Rolling Stone) properly. Then I changed my statement to – Highway 61 Revisited is the best damn album by BD. I could be more assured, it was the most famous of Dylan’s albums. And then came Blood on the Tracks.

Now I’ve learnt my lesson. I won’t say anything. Ever again. I’ll just listen.

Blood on the Tracks was written during a turbulent phase in the artist’s life: his divorce with his first wife. So, all songs carry the theme of broken love, heartbreak, disenchantment from love, falling out. Some are amazing, some are dispassionate accounts, some are just plain painful.

Tangled Up in Blue: It’s possibly the best song of the album (I said possibly because I’m equally in love with many of them). “Tangled Up in Blue” is one of the clearest examples of Dylan’s attempts to write “multi-dimensional” songs which defied a fixed notion of time and space. Frankly speaking, it gets very confusing in one read, you have to pick each line apart from one another sometimes. Very complex and brilliant lyrics. There is pain, but the upbeat music doesn’t let the mood fall, and in the end, it’s a very ‘hard’, dispassionate, shining and metallic (only I know what I’m trying to say here)song, numb and devoid of pain, rising over it. Loved so many lines of it, too many to write down here.

Simple Twist of Fate: Another song of separation. This song has a moody, misty ambiance with the voice of the singer booming in a glowing silence. The part just before the final line of each stanza where the voice suddenly rises to boom in the silence, is my favorite part. It’s quite touching, your heart twitches a little, as if the singer’s gloomy heart cried one final wail.

People tell me it’s a sin
To know and feel too much within

You’re a big girl now: Now this song, is just painful. It has pain written all over it. The lyrics are very plain, and distinctive in their symbolism. Also, I’m addicted to two lines of this song: And I’m back in the rain, oh, oh…And you are on dry land & Love is so simple, to quote a phrase.  The last lines are the limit to which the singer extends the pain and himself:

I’m going out of my mind, oh, oh
With a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we’ve been apart

Idiot Wind: This was the first song that blew me away on the first serious listening of the album, because of its sheer energy and intensity of Dylan’s voice. It looks like as if Dylan is pushing the song himself, as if through a cylinder, controlling the speed. But lately, I’ve come to like this song a bit less, because the lyrics are simply attacking the second person, often ridiculing violently. It’s a song of differences and tensions, confrontations and quarrels.

You’re gonna make me lonesome when you go & Meet me in the morning: These two songs are not sad, finally. Songs of love, they’re also less brilliant than other ones, but make for a pleasant hearing.

Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts: This 8 minutes, beast of a song is very difficult to bear, unless you’re interested in playing complex games of inferring, reading between the lines, and making assumptions upon your particular understanding of a bewildering bevy of lines, which apparently are telling a story, but you soon spiral off into confusion by seemingly contradictory lines, and lines that don’t mean anything at all. This is a complete (or in a way, incomplete) story in itself. Two screenplays have been made, out of this song. Weird, long, and not everyone’s piece of cake.

If you see her, say hello: This one is again about separation, separation of the singer with an anonymous lost love. However he still loves her, he’s made up with the fact that she’s fallen out of love with him and gone his way. Nice one.

Shelter from the storm: One of my personal favorites from the album. To me, its lyrics are, combined with the ambient, dreamy music, like that in Simple Twist of Fate, hair-raising. They have this biblical quality, prophetic announcement in the line, ‘“Come in,” she said, “I’ll give ya, shelter from the storm,”’ that just blows me away. Awesome lyrics, coming in just the right sound. Along with “Tangled Up in Blue,” it was one of two songs from Blood on the Tracks to be re-released on the compilation The Essential Bob Dylan.

Buckets of Rain: Final song of the album, this one is a short, sweet song about love. But it’s difficult to say whether it’s about pain or happiness. Probably a mixture of the two. He sings with a pained affection, emphasizing the message that after all the storm and deluge and turbulence and pain that he described throughout the album,

All ya can do is do what you must
You do what you must do and ya do it well
I’ll do it for you, honey baby
Can’t you tell?

He ends without a decision, without a judgment, as love, pain, and everything goes hand in hand. And nothing will ever permanently stop.

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Photo courtesy: http://entertainment.topnewstoday.org/Entertainment/article/1961306/