Attempting to write

Every time I turn to my notepad and ink-pen, a was starts within me. A war between what to write and what’s coming out. A constant struggle between the compulsive desire to fill the pages with hopelessness, dreariness and frustration inside, and a desire to create something hopeful, with colors of life in an attempt to transmit the same colors, same hope inside me.

As I look at the pages, I keep scribbling something, crossing it again and again, doodling, writing forgotten names and commonplace words to fill the gaping blank of the page which demands to be written on.

I write a line, a sentence which keeps coming on in my mind. I still don’t know whether to write prose or poetry. Been writing a lot of poetry lately, but I know the shackles of poetry are too rigid, and I more often than not end up deceiving myself, by ending up with something entirely different from what I had started with. I know I’m bad with poetry.

Still struggling to make sense out of the sentence I had just written, checking the intermittent desire to cross the damned thing and start over again, I compromise with a few sentences. After the compromise, it’s a little easier to go further. Either the compromise ends up destroying the very idea I began with, and I produce a bastard, despised by me, or the compromise spares me and allows me to rebel in a few lines, and I’m spared the shame for my own creation.


10 thoughts on “Attempting to write

  1. monkavantgarde

    same thing happening here
    i think this is the test for a writer
    one he must pass.
    remember i told you about a writers growth the period when he pleases himself , the period he pleases his audience and then finally when he creates a master piece
    that definition is incomplete
    there must be a period when a writer is caught in a struggle to evaluate his self-worth
    when he is trying to explore his horizons and limits his strengths and weakness and most of all his will to pursue the path of being a creator(for that is what i believe writers are- capable of creating worlds.)

  2. Akash

    Shut up dude, your poems are awesome, Seriously 😐
    Yeah sometimes I also pass through these phases, what to write and what not, whether it will please the readers or not.

    Great going!

  3. J. R. Nova

    Sitting down and being blocked up in any of the numerous ways I can be blocked, is a very frustrating experience. When this happens it’s easier for me to let go than it is for me to force my way through. If it’s there, it’s there, if it’s not, well, onto something else!


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